indeterminable gender

Hello, I’m Mads. Believe it or not, I am female and over the age of thirteen. To prove it, here’s a photo. (I recently got in trouble with my girlfriend for using this ridiculously posey photo on my railcard) I think I can understand why the odd ticket inspector might call me ‘son’ or an […]

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Yesterday was a long day. I traveled a hundred miles, signed my name on a piece of paper and ended up locked out for three hours. First thing, I picked up my bicycle from its service. Towards the end of last year, my bike became somewhat damaged. I may not have mentioned that I had […]

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Cars and Ranting

It isn’t often that I give an out-and-out rant, but this has really been getting on my nerves for a long time. Whenever I go online, I see people complaining about the price of petrol as though it is their inalienable right to own and use a car whenever they like without it costing too […]

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HAIR today (hur hur hur)

Today I want to talk about haircuts. In my 25 years on this planet I have paid for just one haircut. Which is exactly why I am such a dashing, smart-looking stud and so many ladies are attracted to me. Admittedly I am a slightly odd-looking girlboy scruffmeister. Most of my clothes have holes in […]

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The Star Wars Boozer

I came up with this idea some years ago. It took yet another bus ride from Glasgow to Edinburgh – complete with six guys chatting away in German, spotted with the odd bit of English, such as, “Cheese salad sandwich!” and “A mystical creature!” – for this to resurface in all its glorious geekery. C’Mon […]


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A night on t’town

As a kid I had a friend I think best described as being a lot like Drop Dead Fred, though minus the hint of caring nature beneath the surface. I was thinking the other day about some of our more amusing antics. For example, the time we wrote “Carl is gay today from the world” […]

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Some fun frum the Olden Days.

I’ve kept journals for a long time. Here are some extracts. Hurhurhur. “I swear I could kill her. I have ultimate Rage at her. I’d even puke blood on her if I could, but then she’d probably get all Ragey as well and kick my ass. Or whatever. I don’t even know.” “And so today […]


A wee hobby of mine.

For some time now I have had a wonderful little hobby. I like to think of it as a fledgling comedy movement. See what you reckon. I first started upon this glorious pursuit back when I lived in London, circa 2004. I was working as a teaching assistant and sharing a house in Deptford with […]




I do so love to curse but this is not the topic I wish to discuss. I don’t wish to discuss owt, actually. As I am undertaking yet another of my dangerous rail expeditions tomorrow, I wish to share this truth with all and sundry lest I never return. Here’s a wee tale of a […]

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I see you in my dreeeeemz

Pondering dreams and the like. I went to bed last night/this morning at the respectable-enough hour of one thirty. Three hours later I awoke, having had an incredibly odd dream, and it kept me awake for the rest of the night. With a God rap. Really, brain? A rap about Christianity? Is that what you’re […]

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